Free Giveaways on 23rd and 24th March on On Passover / Palm Weekend.

You read correctly, friend–that hot erotica novel, that capsule of condensed sexuality and naked known by the title “Pirates of the Danube”, will be available for FREE for your e-reader for two days.

On Passover / Palm Sunday weekend, March 23 and 24, you can download the e-book version of this book FOR FREE on Kindle.

Just go to the Kindle store and download the book, free of cost, any time this weekend:

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You will be on the edge of your well-soiled seat, dear reader, as you enjoy the sensual adventures of Pepper MacOralby, Baron Von Hugenstein, and the young doctor Sigmund Freud.

As Maude Lebowski said of the adult film her stepmother starred in: “The story is ludicrous”. Purposefully so. Pirates of the Danube may be the most ridiculous “romance” novel ever created (as indicated by its cover). By combining historical anachronisms, romance clichés, pop culture references and hyperbole, I present a gentle satire of the entire genre. This work of comic farce presents a satire of the entire romance – erotica genre, taking shots at supermarket dime novels, Fabio-emblazoned book covers, and “S & M for housewives” alike.

Readers of “Pirates of the Danube” are swept along from one historical anachronism to the next (Beowulf, Lazarus and Jane Austen’s “Mister Darcy” are contemporaries in this world; the young medical student Sigmund Freud makes a cameo appearance). The sexual adventures of our heroes—Pepper MacOralby and Baron Von Hugenstein—take place amidst a mix-matched hodgepodge of historical references, Biblical quotes, literary allusions, and pop song lyrics.

Here’s what folks are already saying about this steaming pile of literature I’ve created:

“This man is illiterate.”
-Gary Shteyngart, legitimate East Coast author
“Thank you for contacting the White House. We apologize for not being able to respond to every letter with a personalized response.”
-Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States
“David Schmidt writes books by women, for women.”
-Alejandra Cordova, woman
“Schmidt has breathed new life into the classic ‘slutty American novel’…”
-Anna Marie Cortez, former Kinko’s employee

Please, don’t miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If you don’t download this book on Passover / Palm Sunday weekend, you’ll wish you had been born with a millstone tied around your neck and been thrown into the ocean.

Note to our international friends: This book giveaway will be going on for the entirety of Saturday and Sunday, March 23 and 24, no matter which part of the planet you are on. If it’s Saturday or Sunday somewhere on God’s green earth, the book will be free on Kindle.