Ramblings of an Overindulged Mind-II

But Immortality wasn’t for me.

I became vicious, self-destructive and demented. The smell of nature, the colors, and the beauty, everything that was pretty for me slowly became hateful for I hated everything related to love. I was disoriented and incensed. The taste of my sweet slowly integrated itself into my soul, my mind in return making me ruthless, frenzied and hard-hearted. Looking back to the time life was beautiful for me, I could only laugh coldly since I was angry with everyone.

I was angry with my life, my fate and my Mother Nature with whom I believed in so much. Slowly and gradually, I settled into a cool serenity that was as different to me as night is to day. The storm had ended. Everything was calm and peaceful now.

My heart stopped beating and now, everything that I was proud of about myself ended as well. Life teaches us lessons but what I learnt, I wish nobody had to endure. My tenure in pain and suffering was over, but not quite so.

I became numb. A mere pain was nothing but a prick; I could feel the sharp tip biting into me but not quite so. It couldn’t reach my soul. Like a broken glass can never be repaired without cracks still evident, I was alive but cracked.

Disillusioned, disoriented, broken, strengthened, I could take on anything that came my way except for the ONE THING that I tried to run away from. Like in fictional tales, every villain is invincible and strong, unable to be beaten, I was that but I had a weak point too. My weak point is not to be spoken of for it was a taboo. I ran, trying harder each time to disappear from the face of the earth but I couldn’t.

Finally, I figured out an antidote to my distress.


But even though my meditation had brought me to this stage, I did not find the peace that I sought. I still wanted something that boiled my blood, urged me to lash out though I tried to keep my beast incarcerated within me. Like a werewolf, he would lash out once a month when he was strong enough, making me weak but not enough for him to escape.

He wanted freedom.

I wouldn’t give him that.

As the days faded into months, I was getting stronger and my beast was getting weaker and weaker, its presence slowly diminishing. It scared me as well as making me happy since I was gaining control over my new self. I was learning my ways.

Until that one day….

Published by XunairaJ

Born on October 17, 1990 in Islamabad, Pakistan, to a government officer and a homemaker, Xunaira J, as a child dreamed of being a writer.She always loved writing short stories and has been active on Helium (www.helium.com) as a creative writer. She has been a blogger and been writing articles on relationship and family for a long time.When she was young, she used to write for US Magazine. Currently, Xunaira is doing her Bachelors in Mobile and Ubiquitous Computing and writing at the same time. The name of her first book on Amazon Kindle is "The Cursed City" while her second book is a book of collective short stories which will be published in October, 2013. Meanwhile, She is working on another Mystery/Romance novel which is almost reaching completion. She is anticipating to publish it sometime next year.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: